paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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