Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
