i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Is this like a preordered booty call?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
