you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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