if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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