my vag is so smooth its legendary
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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