Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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