I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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