if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
