You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
