Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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