I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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