I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
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On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
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Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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