I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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