the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
