i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Operation Purity has been aborted
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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