You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
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