My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
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his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
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I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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