Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
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