I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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