i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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