I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
