You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
