I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
