dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Dick very happy bro
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
