They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
