i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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