is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
