I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
