he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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