Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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