He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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