I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
