it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
