you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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