Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
