so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
