Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
