Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
How external is "for external use only"?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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