I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
