walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
