Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
