The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
