watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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