1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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