That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
