wanna go halves on a baby?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
