maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
