can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
