i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
