just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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