Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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