If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
