so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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