"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
