after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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