I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
My ass is underappreciated
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
