Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
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I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
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Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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