All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
