They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
