his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
