I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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