he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
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