If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
