i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
