for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
